I may not be the biggest BAMF in the room at any given time, but I certainly try to be in the top three.

I've been in the theatre for over twenty years as a little bit of everything. Yes, I have welded upside down from a second story set in nothing but gauzy underwear half hour before a show opened. I prefer to keep my hair purple. And I run very quickly in four inch heels.

I keep trying to write a big post about Mass Effect and why the hell I fell so damn in love with a video game series. It keeps turning into this babbly mess of my thoughts on femininity, "being the badass", my iron clad affection for the Iron Lady trope, why the endings feel like a one-two punch in the face to female gamers, how I do believe video games are art, but just because it is art doesn't mean you can't improve it. (And how I, personally, want to stab everyone in the metaphorical face that highlights they are "not artists" in this proud way but feel like they still put their opinions in artists' mouths about what art is.)

In short: I have a lot feelings. To quote tumblr, "THE FEELS!!!!!"

One day, I might make a more concrete essay about it all. Or multiple. I have no idea. Who even reads my end of the internet anyway? Especially since I babble about crazy stuff you guys aren't even into (bless each of you that listen to my crazy rambles).

Like no one reading would stop me. Ha!

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I'm having another one of my "moments" about ever kissed again. It has been... a while. Yeah, let's stick with that. Dating is still hard, and I'm left staring at guys a good portion of the time after they open their mouths and wondering how they managed to get through life this far without being punched in the nuts.

There is vague drama somewhere. Maybe? I HAVE NO IDEA. There is a guy: I like his ass. No, seriously, I like his ass. It's nice, imho. The guy is nice, too. I want to make out with his face. Yet there might or might not be a girlfriend? A past girlfriend? THERE IS A GIANT QUESTION MARK. And it's one of those question marks that isn't actually anyone's fault or someone being a douche bag (sounds impossible, but it is true!). I can't ask someone else if this dude has a girlfriend and if not, is he hitting on me or being an awkward little turtle because he knows through the grapevine that I think he has a nice ass and would like to make out with his face because that would also cause DRAMA and GOSSIP. I am leery of being my own brass balls self and asking him because if I'm entirely misunderstanding this situation, then he will KNOW that I made a pass and failed and that I have HUMAN FEELINGS, and I can't deal with that. As a friend lovingly described it as I flailed at her, "He could sink your battleship."

I'm using that phrase to describe ALL of my goofy thoughts about guys and people knowing I have human feelings. "THEY COULD SINK MY BATTLESHIP!!!!!" I hate it when people could sink my battleship. I don't care if they are entirely wrong and hit my tugboat instead, I hate the idea they could maybe, possibly be right. I don't know what that metaphor means (what the fuck is my tugboat here?), but I'm sticking with it.