I may not be the biggest BAMF in the room at any given time, but I certainly try to be in the top three.

I've been in the theatre for over twenty years as a little bit of everything. Yes, I have welded upside down from a second story set in nothing but gauzy underwear half hour before a show opened. I prefer to keep my hair purple. And I run very quickly in four inch heels.

I have been back and forth on a masters for a while. I also just flat out need a career change.

I'm thinking outloud, internet. Tell me all your thoughts.

( Pros and Cons #1 - Foreign Service Officer )


( Choice #2 - Masters of Fine Arts - SMFA )


Can you see why I am sort of back and forth on this?

My biggest fear: I put myself in a lot of debt and then don't have a job again for two years. Or, I manage the FSO test and orals, get an offer, and I hate it. Like, I find out I hate it after I get there with no turning back. I fear getting trapped, because I am feel like I am trapped in my current job because I keep being the second choice for new jobs because there is just this thing about me (literally what my head hunter said to me).

I do not hate my job (just my supervisor). I am worth more money than I am paid, but I am very afraid I will never be able to earn my potential because of bad job markets, my lack up degree beyond a BS, and the blunt answer of "I'm a girl" in what is a mostly male industry, arts management (which is why I never accept jobs I am offered because they are below $30,000 year for really fucking demanding jobs; fucking artistic nonprofit salary ideas!!!)

I miss just being an artist. I have always been most happy then. I don't mind not having money, I just need to have enough money to take care of my bills. And maybe buy some shoes sometimes? And video games? Maybe? (This is also the "problem" with not being married: no one to lean on; it is just me, and that's okay damn it, why is it hard?)

WHAT DO YOU THINK, GUYS? Seriously, tell me.