You thought I had forgotten about these, huh? No, I haven't! Just work exploded extra when the computer system suddenly went down and the students rose up in neurotic panics. I also have somehow managed to attract a gentleman caller. :O! He's even a genuinely nice guy! :O!! Forgive me as I send goofy emails about the internet and arrange further dates (we talk about our favorite UFC fighters, zombies, and he is both awed and intrigued by my affection for power tools and shoes).

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Dance question! Dance! Something about your dancing experiences -- fun ones, painful ones, things you loved about it and things that made you want to punch walls.



I will always think of dance as my first love. Theatre will be my life long companion, and writing a beloved passion. Dance, though, will always be special, even though I was never that great of a dancer. Too curvy and not enough turn out to be a great ballet dancer.

When I was younger, I loved going to dance practice five days a week. It was all evening from 4 until 9. I was with all these other girls that were goofy and athletic like me (until high school, I was made fun off because I had a six pack. ;_; oh, to go back to those days!). I didn't feel self-conscious about myself like I did at school. I could read and no one would tease me because everyone else was reading or playing their gameboy between sets.

As I got older, we'd all bond over our bleeding feet and leotard wedgies. I never had any sort of competitive relationship with any of them, so dance was always fun for me during competition time. I also wasn't that great and was pretty oblivious at that age, so! :D

I never had body image issues nor an eating disorder, but I also had my incredibly elastic ego even back then. I think because I was in a company that was about making you the best person you could be helped. My childhood dance studio wasn't about making me a professional dancer, but a good dancer with a strong sense of self. When I went to the conservatory in college, while it was all about becoming the very best, most well rounded professional I could be, classes were also about understanding my limitations. I could never do a true split (true fact: there are muscle tissues in the thighs that entirely prevent some parts of the population from ever being able to do a full split), but I was always good naturedly ribbed about my Broadway Smile. Rehearsal, performance, or just counting out a combination, I would light up as if I was performing every time. I did more modern comedy, slap stick (I know, you are all shocked). My dance final in college was a duet with a friend to "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan. I was Mulan, and totally earned that A+ as I hammed about. That's one of the things I loved most about dance, that freedom.

When it was just me in that spotlight and no way to see that audience, I felt the most free and myself. It's a feeling I can't describe and have only come across in dance. Like, at any moment, I could reshape the universe with the curve of my hand. I can sometimes get close when I'm really into a painting or sculpting, but it isn't the same. Love will always be the stage for me; those boards are full of my blood, sweat, tears, my joy, and my heartbreak.

I was disappointed with myself that I was never a great ballet dancer. It took me a long time to learn to like modern dance, which isn't the same sort of beautiful as ballet, but it is now my preference when I see a dance show. My sister still teases me that I would always point my feet and "look lady like" when I was sitting. I would prance about the house in the yellow and black polka dot tutu my mother got me when I was small. I loved dance, and there was heartbreak for a bit in my teens when my instructors had the conversation with me that I would never advance further than I currently was. But, again, I was pretty strong stuff by then (it took a while, but by 15, I was good). It helped me find theatre and writing. I found other outlets. Dance, it taught me about myself, about what reaching and how, just because one door closed, doesn't mean that ALL doors are now closed.

The bad... well.

I actually have nerve damage in both my big toes from pointe shoes (I can't feel anything on the front of each toe). I've also have broken all of the ball and socket joints in my body at one time or another (stress fractures, not full breaks) which will probably be a hip replacement when I'm older. I didn't really go through puberty until college because I was so athletic. I am two inches shorter than what I should be most likely because I stopped eating red meat, fish, and pork from age 12 - 19 (it was really popular diet change for dancers back in the 90s) and didn't have other things to make up that nutrition deficiency. I'm sure there will be other side effects I won't discover until I'm much older, but honestly, I'm okay with it. I'll deal as I go along.

Ballet is horrible for your body, especially women. Men can keep dancing until their 40s, but women are lucky to make it to 30. Turn out is entirely unnatural, pointe shoes ruin your feet, and all the leaps and turns are accidents waiting to happen. One bad fall, and you ruin your career because tendons and ligaments can't always heal back properly.

Once, when I think I was 12 or 13, I fell wrong on stage during a performance. When I came off, I told my instructors that I couldn't breath right. They taped by my ribs with duct tape under my costume and shoved me back out for the next set. I still don't think poorly of them for it (I would have gone back on even without their okay, and they were trying to protect me in their way), but I know it bothered my father a great deal. My mom understood. If my own future, maybe children asked to go to dance or gymnastics, I'd let them.

I never had an issue with my body image, but again, I was fairly oblivious to that sort of thing. I knew I was "wrong" for a ballerina since I did have breasts and hips. Friends tease me when we go to ballet because I can point out American trained dancers by their body shape. American dancers don't normally get serious about their training until their teens, so at least some level of puberty has set in. Most foreign trained dancers, especially Russian and Eastern Europeans, start much early at 10 or younger, and don't develop the same way. It's one of the things that really drives me crazy about ballet, the idea that a principle dancer needs to be around 100lbs to be easy to lift and toss about, to be properly "delicate" looking. You see that stereotype slowly loosing its grip in many regional companies here in America (this is one of the reasons I love the Boston Ballet so much because they like to be unconventional). Not so much in New York and abroad, but it's slowly happening. I think it helps that the Soviet machine that was producing very tightly trained dancer from a young age doesn't exist as it once did. China and Korea are still very strict, but many of its dancers stay in country these days.

I'll never regret it, though. I know that's hard to understand, especially if you've never done it, but no. No regrets. There are things I would change about the dance world, like the expectation of beauty in women and the only body types accepted, but those things are slowly changing. Even from ten years ago, when I stopped dancing, there had been huge leaps in body acceptance and how long a dancer could still dance (it used to be your career was over at 35 for a woman).



Great question! Feel free to ask me more! :D!